Here is a conversation that took place between me and a friend who chose to live life without having children. In the conversation, she described her great difficulty in being different and lonely, among the masses of people who actively and aggressively solicit her , and try to impose their desire to include most people to be part of the circle of reproduction with them. Is there a better way than the way everyone goes, to have children, to grow old and die?
Hofit: “People say life is hard, but I don’t feel like living a hard life. And yet I live a hard life because I’m not with everyone in the general direction. Just to be associated with the family circle people make delusional choices that have no happiness at all, just to be in the stream. And that’s sad for me. I long for a society that does not have the family cells, for years I have been yearning for human connections that are not chained to this social correspondence of cell cells. If I see a person who interests me and I want to get to know him, I want to connect with him even if he is married. The social imperative and the imperatives that guide my heart clash all the time.
Ilan: For me, relationships are a situation where two choose to be together and also want to be in sexuality, only it’s not other people’s business with whom I have sex in life and with whom I sleep at night. Sometimes I ask people not to get into my underwear at the very beginning of getting to know me, whether it’s a man or a woman.
Hofit: I try to accept the different ways of the people around me, but the truth is that the choices of the others around me pretty much left me alone.
Ilan: I will share that I was always a different person and did not acclimatize to the normal environment in which I grew up and lived, spending most of my time in a constant state of survival amidst the general madness. Once I was able to understand what was going on around me, I spent many years trying to show people the vicious circle in which they live, until I finally realized that the old does not want to be renewed, it wants to remain as it is. Then I decided to gather and invite the people who want a different direction in life, who want to live together – outside the circle of reproduction. Even if we become a small number of people, it will still be the right environment in which we can live and develop on fertile soil that fits the new plant we are. It does not take many people to be happy in life, because when several people connect to be together in the same direction they give each other the right reasons to wake up and belong to a group (band, tribe) that each person misses in the depths of his heart.
Does the cycle of reproduction contradict the direction?
Ilan: Yes, for 2 main reasons: 1. People who live with others in the survival context will not be available to be in close communication with other people who are not part of raising the family. Most parents are busy supporting people who depend on them, with most of their life energy and time going to raise the next generation. A person who is in charge of a family will always see his group as more important than other groups and people so that his opinion of the others is biased in advance and unequal. A woman will always put her children first, even before herself and her own body, which brings out the principle on which an egalitarian society is based. (In fact, this is how the tribes disintegrated.)
2. As long as the birth rate continues, then death will also continue on the planet where we live. The general blindness to the importance of life will continue to star as long as hundreds of thousands of bodies continue to form every day on the planet of the earth. Every day, about 353,000 babies are born on Earth and more than 100,000 people die. 98% die from diseases and 2% die from old age. I suppose you can easily see the connection between the two and why an eternal person would give up participating in the cycle of reproduction, after all, these are 2 ends of the same stick.
Hofit: How do you see a relationship with another person without the culture and the birth of children?
Ilan: a sane relationship begins when two want to be in each other’s lives even without the sexual attraction, when people fall in love with the person inside the body. A woman is a man of the opposite sex with whom I have an egalitarian friendly relationship, with the proper attention to the mental and physical differences between us and its constant learning. Beyond the sexual agreement we have (with whom we lie and with whom we do not) I do not see a situation that she will not accept and want more people that I am connected to and want in my life, whether they are a man or a woman.
For me, the only basis for living together with a woman is an initial connection to a vision and a common direction in life. In my case, the vision is a connection between human beings and therefore the connection with a woman will come first of all from a common desire to have people in our lives. If a connection happens and she has a connection with a male member, she is free to meet him, talk to him on the phone and of course I would like her to invite him home. My attitude says that if I love her and she connects with someone, then surely he is a person I would like to be around. Please note that this is not a violation of the sexual agreement that we have between us, because we will respect it as a basis for the trust between people.
Hofit: What do you answer to people who ask you if you are a couple?
Ilan: The sexual agreement I have with another person shouldn’t interest the others. Sometimes I ask people in a polite way to get out of my underwear.
Hofit: But the most natural thing is to have a offspring, it just happens without having to think or plan it. And I believe that the natural way is the right one. How does it work out?
Ilan: Humans are so far from nature, otherwise they would have stopped having children a long time ago! Our world has long been suffering from a population explosion and at the same time people are flocking to do the hormonal treatments that bring more and more weak offspring, improving bad genes. The quality of life is decreasing steeply (polluted water, chemicals in vegetables, polluted air, non-biodegradable waste buried in the ground), so that the birth level does not correspond to environmental conditions until it becomes a real scourge of the normal life of the planet. Brainwashed people reproduce as much as possible, while culture in our world is especially good for those who get a lot of money from it, it is not good for people. To see the picture clearly we must first wake up from the general brainwashing and then see what is the right thing to do.
Hofit: What about giving room to the fact that bringing a child into the world has an experience of fulfillment? A very powerful experience that cannot be undone. You can decide to give it up, but there’s a concession.
Ilan: Reality works in such a way that we choose to be at a given moment in a certain physical place and at the same time ‘give up’ all the other imaginary places we could have been. We say a word and give up on saying all the other words in the language at that moment. This is not really a concession, only a choice. For example, do you live in the experience of a mature woman freed from the cycle of reproduction, when you have time and leisure to do the things that are important for you to do in life? No mother can and will never have this experience of yours. It goes both ways, depending on what you want to look at.
Hofit: When I was 28 years old and all the friends around me gave birth and joined the circle of reproduction, it created a very strong effect in me and I no longer found a common denominator with them for the continuation of friendship. The conversations were all directed to the offspring and the future of the 
family, when I began to appear in front of them as someone with a problem that needed to be fixed. None of them could understand that another woman was not interested in participating in the celebration of reproduction, when at the same time their free time to maintain our relationship was disappearing. I found myself out of the flow twice. When I was with a partner and everyone around was having children when I wasn’t into it, and the second time after the relationship ended there were other girlfriends around me without a couple who went and made test tube children. I just couldn’t believe it was happening to me again.
Ilan: Indeed, this is the case. Physical nature responds to subconscious programming, with the first goal being the survival of the human race. Since the connection to the general group (humanity) has been severed in most people, then when a woman appears the need to reproduce and give birth, the whole body will participate in the hormonal process, to which the thoughts and desires will join.
Feelings of involuntary joy will overwhelm the woman who is about to conceive when most of her thoughts are directed towards the beginning of a conception process, the first part of which is going to end in excruciating pain (contractions and childbirth), and if these thoughts had not appeared in her mind she would not have dared to enter it in the first place.
This process happens entirely involuntarily – naturally, as most women will not have the strength (or good enough reason) to resist it. It is important to understand that the beginning of the process takes place at the unconscious level long before it moves to the conscious, when the whole process is fundamentally influenced by the general social desire that guides the individual to go in the direction in which the band is going.
Hofit: thank you so much for this conversation Ilan, you are one of a kind.
Ilan: thank you Hofit for asking this rare and deep questions. I learned a lot from talking with you.
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