מחקר מדעי שבוצע על חולדות חושף אמת מפתיעה לגבי סיבת ההתמכרויות האמיתית שלנו. במחקר הושם עכבר מבודד בכלוב וניתנה לו האופציה לשתות מים – או מים עם הרואין.
העכבר בחר את ההרואין והתנהג כמכור. בניסוי הבא הושמו מספר עכברים יחד וניתנה להם את אותה הבחירה בדיוק, ולהפתעת החוקרים – הם העדיפו לשתות את המים ולא התמכרו להרואין.
מסקנה: זה הכלוב שהפך את העכבר להתמכר להרואין. אנחנו יצורים חברתיים שזקוקים האחד לשני, אנו זקוקים להתחבר האחד לשני.
וידיאו נוסף בעניין בו ג’ון הארי מספר בתוכניות טלוויזיה על המחקר המדהים ששינה את כל ההתייחסות להתמכרויות.
יחד בין אנשים הוא הסוד
מצטט כאן תגובה מעוררת השראה שנכתבה בערוץ הוידיאו המקורי (לא מתורגם) של בחורה בשם אמנדה:
Most of us apply ourselves to a person’s external demeanour rather than their internal one. This means that we, as selectively social butterflies, make bonds with people as they are currently behaving. Our questions and attitude make no attempts to truly get to know a person and instead panders to what will make them interested or feel good at that moment.
This makes us extremely likeable and easy to befriend since it seems like we’re always saying just the right things to people to make them our friends, but otherwise fails to expose the inner workings of either party.
Our introvertive side keeps us from truly sharing with people who we really are, and instead we define ourselves by our interests. You might find yourself expressing your enthusiasm for technology or that you’re a computer programmer, rather than what truly makes you tick.
We’re good at connecting with people at a level of interest, but we never really let people know about our emotions and moods. We can sometimes feel like our negativity can be a burden on others, so we don’t share them. We hide behind this facade of happy-go-luckyness that makes us the central beacon of fun.
There’s really no other way for us to make deep friendships other than constantly being around the person we’re trying to connect to. We need to express ourselves completely before we’re able to slowly slip into diving about who we are as people. The longer you’re around someone, the more successful your bonding experience will be and the deeper the connection will run.
This can be a double edged sword, because while we’re extremely loyal and die-hard for our friends, we won’t hesitate to drop potentially toxic people from our lives in an instant, just because we don’t feel particularly strongly about any certain person. Emotionally, most people don’t matter enough to us to bother keeping them around.
I’ve found that the only way to know whether someone is a true friend or not is to simply be with them a long time. There’s no secret to it other than organically forming that bond with someone else. The moment you start to become a confidant for that person’s secrets, that’s when you know that they trust you enough to shake their secrets with and is generally a subtle reminder that you’re a pillar of their sanity.
Keep an eye out for those people and don’t let them go so easily. You’re probably a really easy person to talk to, so don’t worry about being awkward. People like talking to us because we’re fun an interesting and generally non-judgemental.
תגובה נוספת של אמנדה, מתארת את הבדידות האנושית, אל מול הצורך שלנו להתחבר האחד לשני:
Some people in the comments don’t understand what “loneliness” really is and point out their own battles with addiction where being surrounded by friends didn’t seem to help. Loneliness and depression has nothing to do with your proximity to people, it’s about social and excitable proximity. I can go to a car show and be surrounded by a ton of really awesome, intelligent and enthusiastic people, but I’m going to still be bored out of my mind because I personally don’t like car shows. There’s no point-of-interest that can allow me to relate to these people.
The analogy points out that being social means being able to connect with people in a fundamental level. A lot of people who feel like their alone, regardless of how many friends they have, often have a lot of inward social exhaustion. Some people have more trouble forming deep, lasting bonds with people that are required to battle addictions and depression. I’m a really good example because I’m socially outgoing, expressive and am generally seen as the “fun” one out of my group of friends, but I myself don’t form deep bonds easily. It takes me a long time and a lot of confidence in someone to truly consider them one of my close friends. It’s for this reason that I battle depression frequently. It’s my physical inability to make myself feel deeply toward friends that causes this.
A lot of people have this problem and don’t know it. They think of themselves as extroverts and might not realize that they’re really introverts who happen to share some extrovertive qualities. I’m a really social person in public, but personally I’d rather stay home, do my own thing, read, play games and I’ll be perfectly happy.
Understanding exactly how you create connections with people on a personal level makes the world of difference in how you manage your psychological health. If there’s one thing you can take away from this article-of-a-comment, it’s to surround yourself with people whom you would trust as a confidant. If you’re not comfortable with someone enough to where you can talk to them with just about anything, then they’re not truly the kind of supportive “best” friend that you need to help you through tough times.
לצערנו הוידיאו המקורי נמחק מיוטיוב (מסיבה לא ברורה) אז השארנו את הפוסט הזה עם הציטוטים המעניינים שבו
לקריאתכם ולהנאתכם !
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